VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
