I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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