i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
