just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
