there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
