So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
