some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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