I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you didnt know i had herpes?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
