Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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