I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
