you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
