awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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