Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
