Yo dont text me then not text me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
