make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
