well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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