I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
NoShamevember. You game?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
