I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
