I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
