We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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