Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize