I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
