remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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