8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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