shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
