Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
