weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
