Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
