Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your penis caused this!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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