Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
