Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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