This dress was meant to end up on your floor
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
