She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
