i wish my penis had a tongue
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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