she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
