I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
