How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
