p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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