Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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