Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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