I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
