Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
