The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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