I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
