Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
