maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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