In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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