Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
