you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
