I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
