where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
