His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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