After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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