I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
