I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
