apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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