how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize