saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
