Little spoons don't ask big questions
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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