u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize