He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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