My hand turned me down
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
