You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
