I CAN MOONWALK!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
